Stop Checking Your Likes

Picture this: a nineteen-year-old bride on her wedding day, radiating hope and certainty about the future, only to discover years later that the pursuit of external validation had been quietly shaping every major decision in her life. This moment of awakening marked the beginning of a profound transformation from someone desperately seeking approval to someone who learned to trust her inner compass above all else.

In our hyperconnected age, the metaphor of "checking your likes" has become the perfect symbol for our collective addiction to external validation. We've become so accustomed to measuring our worth by hearts, thumbs-ups, and the opinions of others that we've forgotten the most important truth: the only approval that truly matters is our own. Through raw honesty and hard-won wisdom, this journey reveals how breaking free from the approval trap becomes the foundation for authentic living. Readers will discover how to recognize the subtle ways external validation controls their choices, develop unshakeable self-approval regardless of circumstances, and ultimately create a life guided by inner wisdom rather than the fickle opinions of others.

Growing up in women's shelters across England, moving between more than twenty schools, and witnessing the devastating cycle of addiction and abuse, these early experiences created an unlikely foundation for understanding human resilience. The chaos of childhood poverty, living with an alcoholic father and a depressed mother, could have easily become a blueprint for a life of limitation and excuse-making. Yet these very circumstances sparked an early recognition that survival required something deeper than waiting for external rescue.

At fifteen, a chance encounter with a 50-pence copy of "The Magic of Thinking Big" in a bookstore became a pivotal moment of awakening. This wasn't just about discovering self-help literature; it was about realizing that personal power existed as a choice rather than a circumstance. The book opened up a world where individuals could consciously direct their lives regardless of their starting point. This revelation created a fundamental shift from victim mentality to personal accountability.

The harsh realities of shelter life provided unexpected education in human nature and personal responsibility. Watching women repeatedly return to abusive situations despite having safe alternatives taught profound lessons about the psychology of choice. These observations, painful as they were for a young mind to process, illuminated the crucial distinction between what happens to us and how we choose to respond to what happens to us.

By age nineteen, these accumulated experiences had forged an unusual combination of street wisdom and optimistic determination. The early marriage that followed represented both the hope for stability and the naivety that comes from rushing toward what seems like safety. Yet even this mistake became crucial learning about the difference between making decisions from fear versus making them from genuine inner guidance.

The foundation was set: life's hardships weren't obstacles to overcome but rather the raw material from which authentic strength and wisdom could be forged. This early understanding that approval from others couldn't fill the void left by an unstable childhood became the cornerstone for everything that followed.

The modern epidemic of comparison has reached unprecedented levels, turning social media platforms into 24/7 highlight reels where everyone appears to be winning except us. This constant exposure to curated perfection creates a dangerous illusion that others possess some special formula for success that we somehow missed. The truth reveals itself when we realize that everyone is essentially improvising their way through life, regardless of how polished their exterior presentation appears.

Professional success in male-dominated industries like technology sales provided a masterclass in rejecting others' definitions of qualification and worth. Despite lacking a college degree and industry connections, achieving top performance levels became possible through focusing on innate strengths rather than perceived deficiencies. The revelation that confidence matters more than credentials challenged deeply held beliefs about what makes someone worthy of success.

The comparison trap extends beyond career achievements into every aspect of daily life, from physical appearance to relationship status to lifestyle choices. Breaking free requires a fundamental shift from external scorekeeping to internal satisfaction. This means celebrating personal progress rather than relative position, appreciating unique strengths rather than envying others' advantages, and understanding that everyone's journey unfolds according to different timelines and circumstances.

The exercise of examining what we truly know versus what we assume about others consistently reveals how little we actually understand about anyone else's real experience. The perfectly curated Instagram account might hide struggles with depression, the successful entrepreneur might battle overwhelming anxiety, and the seemingly confident colleague might wrestle with imposter syndrome daily. Recognizing these hidden realities creates space for compassion rather than comparison.

Liberation from the validation trap happens when we develop genuine appreciation for our own path, complete with its unique combination of challenges, victories, setbacks, and growth opportunities. This appreciation becomes the foundation for authentic confidence that doesn't require constant external reinforcement to maintain its strength.

The journey toward self-approval begins with a radical act: deciding to like what you already have rather than waiting to become worthy of your own acceptance. This shift challenges the deeply ingrained belief that self-love must be earned through achievement, appearance, or others' validation. True confidence emerges when we stop treating ourselves as projects to be fixed and start recognizing ourselves as humans deserving of unconditional self-compassion.

Daily practices of mirror affirmations, celebrating small victories, and consciously choosing appreciation over criticism slowly rewire decades of negative self-talk. The transformation isn't about becoming delusionally positive but rather about offering ourselves the same kindness we'd naturally extend to a dear friend facing similar challenges. This internal shift creates ripple effects that others notice immediately – confidence is magnetic because it's so rare.

Authenticity requires the courage to disappoint others by being genuinely ourselves rather than performing versions we think will gain approval. This might mean setting boundaries with family expectations, choosing career paths that feel right rather than impressive, or simply wearing clothes that make us feel good regardless of current trends. Each authentic choice strengthens our relationship with our inner guidance system.

The practice of loving ourselves "especially when we don't deserve it" revolutionizes how we handle mistakes, failures, and human imperfection. Instead of using setbacks as evidence of unworthiness, they become opportunities to demonstrate unconditional self-acceptance. This approach paradoxically leads to better decision-making because we're not constantly trying to prove our worth through external achievements.

Building genuine self-approval creates an unshakeable foundation that external circumstances cannot touch. When we truly like and accept ourselves, others' opinions become interesting data points rather than verdicts on our value as human beings. This internal stability becomes the launching pad for taking bigger risks, pursuing authentic goals, and living with the kind of freedom that inspires others to do the same.

Rejection transforms from devastating verdict to mere redirection when we understand its true nature: it's rarely personal and often indicates we're taking meaningful risks worth taking. The fear of rejection keeps most people playing small, avoiding opportunities, and settling for less than they truly want. Developing immunity to rejection becomes a superpower that opens doors previously considered impossible to access.

Professional success stories consistently reveal the same pattern: those who achieve extraordinary results are simply willing to hear "no" more often than others. Whether pursuing media opportunities, business partnerships, or career advancement, the willingness to face potential rejection multiplies available opportunities exponentially. Each "no" becomes practice for handling the next one with greater ease and less emotional attachment.

The reframe that changes everything: rejection isn't something that happens to you, it's something that happens for you. Every declined proposal, dismissed idea, or unreturned call eliminates options that weren't meant for you anyway, clearing space for better aligned opportunities to emerge. This perspective shift transforms rejection from obstacle into guidance system.

Bold action requires distinguishing between reasonable fear that keeps us safe and limiting fear that keeps us small. Most of our daily fears fall into just two categories: "I'm not enough" or "I don't have enough." Recognizing these prehistoric survival mechanisms allows us to make conscious choices about which fears deserve our attention and which can be acknowledged but ignored.

Taking action despite fear rather than waiting for fear to disappear becomes the pathway to genuine confidence. Each time we act in alignment with our values despite feeling scared, we prove to ourselves that courage isn't the absence of fear but the willingness to feel afraid and proceed anyway. This practice builds resilience that compounds over time, creating an unstoppable momentum toward our most important goals.

True freedom emerges when we stop needing others' permission to live according to our own values and desires. This doesn't mean becoming callous or inconsiderate, but rather making decisions from internal alignment rather than external pressure. The approval-free life requires developing trust in our own judgment while remaining open to feedback that serves our growth.

Personal responsibility becomes liberating rather than burdensome when we realize it represents our ultimate power to shape our experience. Taking ownership of our choices, responses, and outcomes eliminates the powerless feeling that comes from blaming circumstances or other people for our dissatisfaction. This shift from victim to creator mentality opens up infinite possibilities for positive change.

The practice of asking "what's missing?" rather than "what's wrong?" transforms problem-solving from destructive criticism into creative exploration. This reframe opens up solutions and possibilities that remain invisible when we're focused on fixing deficiencies rather than adding positive elements. Life becomes an adventure in creation rather than a series of problems to endure.

Living approval-free requires developing comfort with others' disapproval or misunderstanding of our choices. This might mean pursuing unconventional careers, setting unexpected boundaries, or simply saying no to commitments that don't align with our priorities. Each choice to honor our authentic preferences strengthens our relationship with inner guidance.

The ultimate lesson of approval-free living is that happiness comes from internal alignment rather than external achievement. When we stop outsourcing our emotional well-being to others' opinions and circumstances beyond our control, we discover an unshakeable peace that weathers any storm. This internal stability becomes the foundation for contributing our unique gifts to the world without needing constant validation that we're doing it right.

The journey from approval-seeking to self-acceptance reveals that our worthiness is not something we earn but something we remember. In a world obsessed with external validation, the most radical act becomes trusting our own inner wisdom above the opinions of others, no matter how loud or persistent those outside voices may be.

Two profound shifts emerge from this transformation: first, the recognition that everyone else is figuring it out as they go, which eliminates the illusion that others possess some secret knowledge we lack; and second, the understanding that taking responsibility for our experiences paradoxically grants us the power to change them. These insights become practical tools for navigating everything from career decisions to daily interactions with greater confidence and authenticity. Anyone feeling trapped by the need for constant approval or exhausted by the endless comparison game will find in this journey both permission and practical guidance for claiming their own life back from the tyranny of others' expectations.