Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

Standing in a moonlit horse-drawn carriage on a Texas beach, accompanied by both the girl he liked and another suitor who had prepared "the most romantic dinner ever" for her, watching the whole scene literally crash when the horse ran over driftwood and shattered the carriage axle—this was one young man's introduction to the bewildering world of modern romance. As he walked alone along that beach afterward, he wondered if it might be time to exit the idea of dating altogether.

Yet this disastrous scene captures something profound about relationships today. We live in an era where the rules of courtship have dissolved, replaced by ambiguity and uncertainty. Young people hit puberty around thirteen and many don't marry until past thirty—that's nearly two decades of navigating relationships without clear guidance. Technology has given us access to hundreds of potential connections, but this only increases the drama and anxiety. The result is a generation lost at sea in the tempestuous waters of modern love.

But there's hope in this uncertainty. Just as sailors use fixed stars to navigate unknown seas, we can look to unchanging principles about who God is and what He desires for human relationships. The journey from singleness to marriage isn't meant to be a series of painful crashes and disappointments. Instead, it can be a purposeful progression through distinct seasons, each with its own gifts and growth opportunities, each preparing us for what comes next.

A seven-year-old boy stood bewildered on Christmas morning, holding a single sheet of paper that read "You are the recipient of one hundred shares of stock." While his friends celebrated their exciting new toys, he felt profoundly disappointed by this incomprehensible gift. His brother had received the ultimate present—a titanium slingshot that could break fence boards—while he got what seemed like a meaningless piece of paper. The adults tried to explain that stock was "kind of like money, but you can't spend it," which only deepened his confusion about why anyone would waste his time with something so pointless.

Twenty years later, arriving at seminary with empty pockets, that same young man discovered his classmates surviving on donated bread because they couldn't afford groceries. When he checked his financial statements, he found that his grandmother's "disappointing" gift had grown substantially—enough to fund his dream of studying God's Word. In that moment, he finally understood the wisdom and love behind what had seemed like the worst Christmas present ever.

This story illuminates a profound truth about seasons in life: what we want in the moment isn't always what's best for us in the long run. The apostle Paul called singleness a "gift from God," yet it's a gift that most people don't initially want. Like that stock certificate, singleness often feels meaningless when we're longing for romance and companionship. But God's timing reflects His wisdom, not His cruelty.

The purpose of singleness isn't simply extended adolescence or career preparation—it's devotion to God without distraction. In our brief time on earth, with eternity hanging in the balance, God graciously provides seasons of focused attention on what matters most: our relationship with Him and our service to others. This isn't about being anti-marriage; it's about recognizing that the deepest longings of our hearts can only be satisfied in Him.

When we embrace singleness as God's intentional gift rather than His cruel oversight, we discover extraordinary freedom. We have more time, more flexibility, and more emotional energy than any other season of life will offer. The question isn't whether we'll eventually want companionship—most of us will. The question is whether we'll use this unrepeatable season to pursue the One who can satisfy our souls completely, preparing us to love another person well when that time comes.

Picture your life as a race you're running toward God, using your gifts and time to bless others made in His image. As you chase after Him, you'll encounter all manner of people running in different directions—some pursuing money, fame, or happiness. Even if they're attractive and charming, you'll let them pass by because their life trajectory diverges from yours. But eventually, you'll notice others running alongside you in the same direction, at the same pace, with the same passionate pursuit of God's purposes.

This is the foundation of wise dating: looking for both character and chemistry. You need someone who not only makes your heart race but who races toward the same destination you do. Character means they're actively pursuing God, not just acknowledging His existence. Chemistry means you genuinely enjoy each other's company, that conversation flows naturally and you find yourself wanting to spend more time together. Both elements are essential—character without chemistry leads to boring relationships, while chemistry without character leads to painful ones.

The modern dating landscape often reverses these priorities, leading with physical attraction and hoping character will emerge later. Dating apps reduce people to photos and clever captions, basing lifelong decisions on the most transient characteristics. But charm can be faked for an hour over dinner, and physical beauty is guaranteed to fade. The person you marry needs deeper qualities that will sustain love through decades of real life.

Smart dating also requires clear communication in a culture that has abandoned all scripts for romantic interaction. Instead of leaving people guessing about intentions through ambiguous "hanging out," wise couples speak truth in love. They provide clarity about where the relationship is heading, what they're evaluating, and how the process might end. This isn't about manipulation or game-playing—it's about treating each other with dignity and respect.

The goal isn't to find someone who completes you, but someone who complements you. You're not half a person waiting for another half; you're a whole person considering partnership with another whole person. Dating becomes the modern process of evaluation—not to customize someone to meet your preferences, but to discern whether you're both running toward the same destination at a sustainable pace, whether you can build a life together that honors God and serves others.

The phone call changed everything in an instant. What the young man expected to be a six-month wait for a custom wedding ring became a two-day turnaround. Suddenly, the theoretical future became imminent reality. As he sat in that seminary library, no longer focused on Greek homework but on diamond specifications, the question hit him with full force: "Are you ready to end singleness forever and step into marriage forever?" The warm feeling that crept through his body gave him his answer: "Absolutely. Let's do this."

But knowing you've found "the one" is just the beginning. Engagement represents something far more complex than planning a wedding—it's the intricate process of bringing two separate lives together as one. Every wedding is also a funeral, as two single lives pass away and a new, united life emerges. This transformation encompasses everything: your families, your finances, and your futures all begin the delicate merger process.

The most challenging aspect often involves navigating family dynamics. When you marry someone, you're not just gaining a spouse—you're joining families that will be connected until death. The parents who raised your beloved have invested decades of love, resources, and protective instincts in their child. They need to see that you possess both the character to honor their child and the practical ability to provide for them. This isn't about meeting unreasonable demands; it's about demonstrating that you're not a threat but an ally in their child's wellbeing.

Financial planning during engagement isn't romantic, but it's essential. The greatest source of marital stress comes from money—not just whether there's enough, but how it gets allocated. Different backgrounds create different priorities: one person's "necessity" is another's "luxury." Working through a detailed budget together reveals underlying values and provides opportunity to align your financial vision before you're legally and emotionally committed.

Perhaps most importantly, engagement provides time to envision your shared future beyond the wedding day. What holidays traditions will you create? How many children do you want? Where do you dream of serving together? How will you structure your weeks to nurture both your relationship and your individual growth? These conversations, often overshadowed by venue selection and menu planning, actually determine whether your marriage will thrive or merely survive the transition from "me" to "we."

The call came at the most unexpected moment of their engagement celebration. "Babe, I'll be back in a few hours. I need to help your dad with a dead body." The new fiancé found himself in a hearse heading to a morgue, assisting his future father-in-law the mortician in preparing a corpse for viewing. As they drove through the night, he realized with startling clarity: when you decide to marry someone, your lives merge completely—all of your lives, including the parts you never anticipated.

This story captures the essence of marriage: it's not just joining two people, but creating something entirely new that reflects God's design for human relationships. Marriage serves as both a picture and a pursuit—a living illustration of how Christ loves His church, and an active mission to extend that love into the world together.

The picture aspect requires understanding complementary roles that honor both partners. When a wife chooses to receive and affirm her husband's leadership, she's not diminishing herself but displaying how God's people respond to His loving guidance. When a husband initiates and sacrifices to help his wife flourish, he's showing the world how Christ gave everything for His beloved church. These aren't arbitrary rules but reflections of divine love that create safety and freedom for both spouses.

But marriage isn't meant to be merely an inward-focused relationship. The strongest bonds form when couples pursue a compelling mission together, using their combined gifts and resources to make a difference in the world. Like the tent-making couple Priscilla and Aquila, who opened their home to support the apostle Paul's ministry, transformed marriages become launching pads for kingdom impact.

This mission mindset transforms ordinary activities into ministry opportunities. A home becomes a place of hospitality. A business becomes a platform for blessing others. Parenting becomes discipleship. Even mundane conversations become chances to encourage and sharpen each other for greater service. When couples are game for whatever God might call them to do, when they remain faithful through decades of changing circumstances, they discover that their marriage isn't just about their happiness—it's about displaying God's faithful love to a watching world.

The most secure marriages are those on mission together. Nothing forges stronger bonds than mutual commitment to a compelling vision that extends beyond yourselves. When both spouses are devoted to the same Lord, their commitment to each other is continuously reinforced and strengthened by their shared pursuit of His purposes.

The journey from singleness to marriage isn't a desperate search for completion but a purposeful progression through seasons designed by God for our flourishing. Each stage—singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage—offers unique gifts and growth opportunities when embraced with faith rather than fear. The single person discovers that undistracted devotion to God provides the foundation for all healthy relationships. The dating couple learns that character matters more than chemistry alone, and that clear communication honors both hearts involved. The engaged pair practices the delicate art of becoming one while maintaining individual identity. The married couple finds that their greatest joy and security come not from endless focus on each other, but from linking arms to pursue God's mission together.

What transforms these transitions from painful struggles into purposeful growth is the recognition that God is intimately involved in our relational journey. He cares deeply about our hearts, our hopes, and our happiness. His design for relationships isn't restrictive but liberating, creating the conditions where both men and women can flourish fully. When we trust His timing, follow His wisdom, and pursue His purposes, we discover that each season brings its own irreplaceable joys. The single person experiences freedom and focus unavailable to any other stage of life. The couple in love tastes the wonder of being truly known and cherished. The family on mission together participates in the grand story of God's love reaching a broken world. Rather than rushing through these seasons or resenting their challenges, we can embrace each one as a gift from the One who loves us perfectly and guides us faithfully from glory to glory.